Working It Out: This Is My Final Weight Loss Journey

I woke up this morning to some pretty severe weather. Wouldn't you know that I would have to drive across town in rush hour traffic because my appointment was at 9:15! ICK! I was so peeved when I got up. I jumped in the shower and by the time I got out Mark had a pot of Dunkin Doughnut coffee all ready for me! I love that coffee.

I drank coffee with him and we visited till he went and jumped in the shower and then I went and made his lunch and then went to finish getting dressed so that I could get out of here shortly after he left. 

Of course before I could get out of the driveway Ann Marie was calling me.  I just plain ignored the call because I had to get into the car, set my iPhone up so that I could listen to my iPod while I drove across town.  Set my blue-tooth and get out of here.  I called her back once I was on my way.  I know that I wasn't too kind.  She was like "Where are you?"  She knew that I was going to the Dr.  I talked to her for a bit but then told her that the traffic was bad and it was raining really hard and I needed to concentrate on my driving.  She wanted me to call her when I got done.

I made it up to the Woodlands safely and I found the office and I had all the paperwork complete so checking in was very easy.  When Mark (a PA) came to get me we walked to a office that was beautiful.  I sat on the couch and he sat in a chair and pulled his lap-top onto his lap.  I told him that Anna had faxed him what he needed from her.  He told me to give him a minute while he looked for it.  He found it and read it and then he started asking 50 million questions!  Or so it seemed.

As he was looking at his lap top he asked me what I was in therapy for.  As I talked to him about my issues I started crying.  I think that is why he asked me stuff like this.  After a bit he told me that he agreed with Anna that I needed a mood enhancer.  He told me that he was going to keep me on the Zoloft and add this to the mix.  We talked about the last time I was in therapy in 1990-1993 and who I saw and what was I on.  I told him Wellbutrin and he asked me how I did on that.  I told him that I didn't have any issues with that med.  He goes on to tell me that he is only to to add Lamictal and that he wanted to see me in 6 weeks and then he would decide if they needed to add the Wellbutrin.  He told me that Zoloft does one thing for depression and Wellbutrin does something else.  He wants to see what the mood enhancer does before we go forward.

I asked him if he thought that I would have to be on meds for depression the rest of my life.  I was shocked at what he said.  He told me a person getting up in years like myself that has the health issues like I do will get depressed.  He said that they can get benefit from meds and with therapy be able to cope with life and get off the meds.  He did say that it was too early to tell for sure what would happen to me and the meds but that he felt that and he agreed with Anna that I have been depressed since I was a child and most likely I will have to take something the rest of my life.  I felt like I had been shot!  I hate pills!  Hate them!  One of the reasons why I want to get the weight off is to be able to get off some of these meds!

He scheduled my next visit and wrote me a prescription for the Lamictal and I left.  I was suppose to spend the morning with my friend Karen and play in her Mary Kay make-up as they have come out with some new colors but I just wanted to get home and get out of the bad weather.  I called her from the parking lot and cancelled.  I then headed home.

On the way home I lost it and I had a horrible binge.  I stopped at Wendy's and got a double baconator with cheese and a medium fry.  I sat in the parking lot and ate that.  Then I drove home and decided to stop at Jack In The Box and get a order of Tacos and a Chicken Ranch Club and a large curly fries.  Came home and ate that!  What the hell?  I didn't feel guilty.  I just wanted it.  I am just crazy!  CRAZY!

I wished it had made me sick but it didn't. I ended up sleeping all afternoon but woke up in time for Zumba.  Yea, I had better get my butt to class after what I did.  I was looking forward meeting Pat there.  Also Sandy had told me that she was coming as well!  As I was getting ready Pat called and told me that she stayed late talking to the other secretary's friend and it ran her late.  She also needed to go grocery shopping.  I was disappointed but I understand.  I remember working full time and knowing what little time you have to get things done!  I missed her!  I can't wait till she can come and get started.  I know that she will love it!

Ann Marie and I left for Zumba and Sandy did show up.  We talked before class and I told her what I did and how Mike would kill me if he knew.  I told her that I wasn't going to tell him.  Now I have to hope like hell that he doesn't decide to read this day! If he does I'm dead!  Anyway  Sandy told me how she has recommitted and she wants to go ahead and make it to goal.  We hit our 100 lbs gone just weeks from each other.  I want her to make it!  She is such a sweetie and is such an inspiration to me because her attitude rocks!  Well class got started and Sarah worked our buns off.  I was worn out!

Mark brought home 5 Guy's hamburgers on top of everything that I did today!  I let him.  I loved it and ate it with no guilt!  What has happened to my head.  Lately I'm just not caring.  This is so dangerous for me.  This is exactly how I gained the 100 lbs back when we built this house.  My head went out the window.  I have to be good the rest of the week and hope for a weight loss! 

I had DVR'd The Bachelorette so I watched it after it finished recording and then I fell asleep towards the end.  I wonder why.  My gut was full of junk!  I don't feel well.  I know that I did this to myself and it was stupid!  Tomorrow I start over!