My Final Weight Loss Journey

Two years ago when I sat down at my computer and started this website I really felt by this time of the journey I would be tasting the sweetness of being at goal.  If you would have told me back on December 8, 2007 that I would be where I am today I don't think that I would have taken that first step.  I am grateful that I took that step that day and had the determination that this was my time to win the battle of obesity. I simply took that hope of being at goal and tucked it in the deepest part of my heart determined not to ever look back.

The first year I dropped 76.4 lbs. and this year I dropped 62.6.  The difference between the first year and the second year is 13.8 lbs.  When I first looked at 76.4 compared to 62.6 I was so broken hearted.  I at least wanted what I had lost in the first year.  The reality of it is I started 76.4 lbs lighter in Year 2 and to hit the first 100 lbs gone, to taste the sweetness of having 140 lbs gone on October 3, I can't let myself dwell on the feeling of "only 62.6 lbs".  I have to look at the fact at the end of year two I am down 139 lbs.  I only have 128 lbs to lose.  I'm more than halfway there.  I can't let my mind look at based on the last two years that I'm still 2 years away from goal.  I must just keep going.  I have to continue to fight and I must win period.

I also would have never believed that I would have been the hospital 3 times this last year fighting infections in my legs caused from my obesity battle scars of lymphedema.  I asked all year long why do I feel like I'm losing my health when I'm doing everything I can do to improve it.  My Dr.'s told me that it was a good thing that I had been working so hard on the weight loss because the obesity was starting to take it's toll on me.  What a wake-up call!  I couldn't focus on the health problems this year but celebrate the 100 lb. award, the tossing of all my big clothes, the buying of a new wardrobe, the purchase of normal shoes, the fitting in a booth in a restaurant, the ease of getting in and out of my truck and Mark's car.  No fear of chairs with arms on them.  Being able to walk long distances, stand and cook at Thanksgiving with the surprise of no pain in my feet and ankles, to climb a flight of stairs without getting winded and letting the maids go with the desire to take care of my home by myself!

I do not know what I would have done without the support and push from Mike, my Weight Watcher leader.  He has taught me so much about myself this year by making me face who I really am...a food addict.  He has helped me not only realize that is who I am but how to handle it.  He has worked with me teaching me to get out of the house when feelings and emotions drive me to want to run to the "groceries".  I really did fight that idea in the beginning of this year but by the Summer I learned to grab my keys, leave the money and credit cards at home and get in my truck and just drive and get away from whatever was bugging me at the time.  The other big thing that he is working with me on is portion control.  He is starting to make me see that I can't keep depending on large volumes of food at meal times, but to start thinking about what a normal portion will be once I reach goal.  Recently when I told him that Mark and I split a large pizza from Pizza Hut I thought he was going to have a stroke.  It was then that he told me that I had to stop eating like this because it was what got me to the point that I'm at.  He told me that 2 slices of pizza is enough and that is all I can expect to eat once I get to goal.  I know that overcoming this will be a big part of the journey this year...another huge battle to win!

More recently I've struggled with going over my daily point target and when I confess to Mike that I have exceeded it and that I chose not to leave the house he told me that I needed to ask myself "Why?"  In fact he has really pushed me about this in the final weeks of Year Two.  When I told him that I've never completed anything that I've started!  I don't remember one time in my life that I have ever completed anything that I started!  It is always easier to go and find something else that gets my attention...because of this I don't believe that I can do anything.  I also believe that I'm not worth it cause I always quit!

Mike's response:

"This has to be different.  It takes more courage to continue.  Quitting is the coward's path."

You're right Mike!  You always are.  You always make me think.  You always push me like no one has ever.  You know how to get to me.  You make me react!  Thank You! 

Mike...I will not be a coward.  I will push forward...I will finish climbing this mountain...I promise!!!

The Climb

 I can almost see it
That dream I'm dreaming but
There's a voice inside my head saying,
You'll never reach it,
Every step I'm taking,
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking but I
Got to keep trying
Got to keep my head held high

There's always going to be another mountain
I'm always going to want to make it move
Always going to be an uphill battle,
Sometimes you going to have to lose,
Ain't about how fast I get there,
Ain't about whats waiting on the other side
Its the climb

The struggles I'm facing,
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes they knock me down but
No I'm not breaking
The pain I'm knowing
But these are the moments that
I'm going to remember most yeah
Just got to keep going
And I,
I got to be strong
Just keep pushing on,

There's always going to be another mountain
I'm always going to want to make it move
Always going to be an uphill battle,
Sometimes you going to have to lose,
Ain't about how fast I get there,
Ain't about whats waiting on the other side
Its the climb

There's always going to be another mountain
I'm always going to want to make it move
Always going to be an uphill battle,
Sometimes you going to have to lose,
Ain't about how fast I get there,
Ain't about whats waiting on the other side
Its the climb

Keep on moving
Keep climbing
Keep the faith baby
Its all about
Its all about
The climb
Keep the faith
Keep your faith